I have an example of how to spoof it into the toc - using \phantomsection - but it seems like when i have a long document the link goes a bit wrong - ie. it links to a couple of pages before.....

\phantomsection
\tableofcontents


Example:

\documentclass[12pt, a4paper, twoside]{book}
\usepackage[english]{babel}
\usepackage{amsfonts,dsfont}
\usepackage[final]{pdfpages}
\usepackage{hyperref}

%----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
\begin{document}
\pagenumbering{roman}
%----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

%----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
\thispagestyle{empty}
\begin{titlepage}
{\Large
\begin{center}
{\bf XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX}
\end{center}
}
\end{titlepage}
%----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

\phantomsection
\tableofcontents

\phantomsection
\listoffigures

\phantomsection
\listoftables

%----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

\newpage
\setcounter{page}{1}
\pagenumbering{arabic}

\chapter{XXXXX}
\label{chXXXXX}

\section{Introduction}\label{chXXXXX_Intro}
BLAH BLAH BLAH.

%----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

%--------------------
\setboolean{@twoside}{false}
\end{document}

-
Instead of using \phantomsection \addcontentsline{toc}{chapter}{Contents} you can load the tocbibind package. – Gonzalo Medina Mar 30 '13 at 21:15
Just out of interest: why does one want to do so? When I'm reading the TOC, I should actually be able to find the TOC without having to look into the TOC… as you see, this is a bit self-referencial. – Benedikt Bauer Mar 30 '13 at 21:29
Fair point. I guess the point is more - not so much to add it to the table of contents instead to the bookmarks in the e version - for easy navigation. It seemed a bit weird when i looked at the bookmarks that it noted the abstract, talks/papers, and then no bookmarks through to the first chapter - missing the TOC, lists of figures, tables etc. Adding it to the table of contents as well is nice - because it makes the bookmarks+TOC the same. (I should note I'm writing my thesis - it has a lot of crap required at the beginning). Anyway - I love self referential stuff - just like this comment. – JPH Mar 30 '13 at 21:42
Looks like your question was some kind of xy problem. The problem that you state in your comment may be solve in this question – Benedikt Bauer Mar 30 '13 at 21:52
An explicit page break (\newpage, \clearpage, or \cleardoublepage) before \phantomsection is missing to ensure that \phantomsection is at the top of the right page. – Heiko Oberdiek Mar 30 '13 at 22:54

Ok.... Superfast answer\comment from Gonzalo Medina

Instead of using \phantomsection \addcontentsline{toc}{chapter}{Contents} you can load the tocbibind package. – Gonzalo Medina 3 mins ago

Example becomes:

\documentclass[12pt, a4paper, twoside]{book}
\usepackage[english]{babel}
\usepackage{amsfonts,dsfont}
\usepackage[final]{pdfpages}
\usepackage{hyperref}

\usepackage{tocbibind}

%----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
\begin{document}
\pagenumbering{roman}
%----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

%----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
\thispagestyle{empty}
\begin{titlepage}
{\Large
\begin{center}
{\bf XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX}
\end{center}
}
\end{titlepage}
%----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

\tableofcontents
\listoffigures
\listoftables

%----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

\newpage
\setcounter{page}{1}
\pagenumbering{arabic}

\chapter{XXXXX}
\label{chXXXXX}

\section{Introduction}\label{chXXXXX_Intro}
BLAH BLAH BLAH.

%----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

%--------------------
\setboolean{@twoside}{false}
\end{document}

-
Ok... can't accept it just yet... – JPH Mar 30 '13 at 21:21