I was really happy to see that matlab2tikz also supports surf plots. Unfortunately, it produces too much data, so I run into the well-known memory problem. I tried compiling with lualatex instead of pdflatex, but I get errors like
Package pgfkeys Error: I do not know the key '/tikz/axis lines*' and I am goi ng to ignore it. Perhaps you misspelled it.
Since I have never used lualatex before, I have not tried any further at this point, but I am open to suggestions.
I then found the option 'minimumPointsDistance' for matlab2tikz. This works great for normal plots, but it seems to have no effect for a surf plot.
I then tried the option 'each nth point' in the tikzpicture. Using every tenth point is fine for compiling, but does not produce an acceptable plot. 7 is better, but still far from ok, 6 gives me the old memory problem.
I tried doing the plot in MatLab with only half the points in each direction, but this looks worse than 'each nth point={10}'.
Why does this have to be so complicated? This was only a test run with 100 by 100 points!
There is still room for optimization, though. A large portion of my plot is close to zero, so it would be best to kick out some of those. The interesting part seems to be very sensitive to leaving out points, so I would prefer a solution that can use the whole output.
I know, I can always produce an eps file and convert it to pdf. It looks ok, especially if I set axis off in MatLab. But then I don't know how to recreate them with tikz...
I'm really running out of options now and hoping desperately for any kind of help or suggestions!

plot2svgand generate svg file of your surface plot. Then open it in inkscape and export the tikz code. for details refer to this answer : tex.stackexchange.com/a/82315/11232 – Harish Kumar Dec 6 '12 at 16:24axis linessounds a lot as if (a) lualatex succeeded in creating the plot as such (b) your pgfplots version is older than what matlab2tikz expects. In other words: your export would have failed with pdflatex as well; try updating pgfplots and then rerun the approach with lualatex. – Christian Feuersänger Dec 8 '12 at 9:32