One way to achieve the intended hyphenation is to put the "syllables" into separate \textit commands, separated by discretionary breaks \-. (This interferes with the kerning in abcdefghij, but works reasonably well.) To allow a line break after the comma, you can use the code from this answer by egreg.

Note that I put an italic correction \/after the j so that it's not that close to the closing parenthesis anymore.
\documentclass{article}
\newcommand*\abcdefghij{\textit{abc}\-\textit{defg}\-\textit{hij\/}}
\AtBeginDocument{%
\mathchardef\mathcomma\mathcode`\,
\mathcode`\,="8000
}
{\catcode`,=\active
\gdef,{\mathcomma\discretionary{}{}{}}
}
\begin{document}
\noindent
\((\abcdefghij,\abcdefghij)\)-pair and a
\((\abcdefghij,\abcdefghij)\)-pair and a
\((\abcdefghij,\abcdefghij)\)-pair and a
\((\abcdefghij,\abcdefghij)\)-pair and a
\((\abcdefghij,\abcdefghij)\)-pair and a
\((\abcdefghij,\abcdefghij)\)-pair and a
\((\abcdefghij,\abcdefghij)\)-pair and a
\((\abcdefghij,\abcdefghij)\)-pair and to end with, one last
\((\abcdefghij,\abcdefghij)\)-pair.
\end{document}